I was mulling over a post I want to write about Disco (which will be forthcoming), when the phrase "an honest horse" came to mind. She is an honest horse. When people say that, I take it to mean that the horse they're talking about is out there, doing their best, and if they spook or don't do what you ask, it's not out of malice. It's honest. They were scared, or they didn't know what to do, or they were hurting. It means that even if you have a bad ride, or (knock on wood) get hurt, it's not because the horse was trying to get you off or hurt you.
As that came to mind, I found myself thinking - I wish people were honest people, in that same sense.
And then came the very interesting thought: I actually think they usually are.
Isn't that interesting? To consider that, maybe, most people, when they do something hurtful - even really hurtful - are acting out of fear or ignorance or inability, rather than true malice. I think that's interesting because it so often feels like malice, especially when it's a repeated behavior. Especially when it's a really damaging behavior that we have no control over, and maybe can't even remove ourselves from the influence of.
I'll be honest. I know that I've hurt people. (OK, that's a ridiculous way to say that - I'm human, of COURSE I've hurt people.) But if I'm being straight with myself (instead of mean and self-judge-y and setting myself up to fail), it's usually an honest hurt. It comes out of my own ignorance or fear or inability. (Is this resonating with the hurt people hurt people thing from last week, or what?)
But (still being honest), when someone else hurts me - especially when, outwardly, it's actively directed at me and who I am and what I do - it feels like malice. It doesn't feel like an honest action. (I also feel that way when D's being particularly troublesome - it can feel personal. But it's easier for me to step back and realize that it's not, in fact, personal when it's a horse instead of an adult human being.)
I think I need to think more about this. It's a very unformed sort of thought. But it feels both true and useful in some important way.
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This feels super useful. Especially, having just gone through a particularly decision-full and action-full period with W, there were many small situations of hurt. That's just what happens when you have to move fast with a ton of choices. I believe he's an honest person, and I do my best to be, so maybe keeping this in mind we can get through the next period of decisions and actions in an even better way.
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